After Tying His Kill Count, Boeing Now Set On Beating OJ Simpson in Rushing Yards
Boeing has (allegedly) already tied Juice’s murder record and has now turned its attention to beating his rushing yards.
Tag Archives: Murder
Report: Lamb’s Blood on Area Man’s Door “Not a Religious Thing, Just Leftovers from Dinner”
While EPD has concluded that the lamb’s blood mark was “no threat to person or property” in the neighborhood, forensics experts will still “thoroughly investigate the area for signs of lice, flies, locusts, and corpses of firstborn children.”
Investigation Finds 6 Murder Allegations in Unread CTECs
“She just looked at me and said, ‘Deal with the grade you got or you’ll end up like the last one.’”
“The Most Dangerous Biathlon” Disappoints Spectators with Only Twelve Deaths
The event has an illustrious history dating back to the 1960 Winter Games in California, when Olympic host and US Vice President Richard Nixon personally wiped three names off of his Enemies List.
Pledge Daughter Receives Bloody, Dripping Garbage Bag from Pledge Mom
Attached to the bag was a yellow post-it note reading: “Hang onto this for a while. Thx. –Momma.”
Eeyore Killed in House Collapse
THE HUNDRED ACRE WOOD, EAST SUSSEX, ENGLAND – The Lewes Police Force reported Tuesday that Eeyore, the lugubrious but beloved stuffed donkey best known through his acquaintance with Edward Bear (colloquially known as “Winnie-the-Pooh”), was found dead Tuesday. Eeyore, seen at right in a 2003 picture, was 85 years old. Constable Henry Anderson discovered the body under a pile of logs after the Lewes Police received a 999 call from Mr. Pooh. “It was a grisly sight,” shuddered Anderson. “His
ZOMBIE ISSUE: Zombie Hunter Loves Meeting, Killing Celebrities
RENO, NV — Following the outbreak of a mysterious virus causing zombie-like symptoms in the infected, former bank teller Jack Manson has become one of many survivors to embrace the hot new career of “Zombie Hunter”, drawn in by the promise of action, glamour, and the increasingly likely possibility of disemboweling smug celebrities. “It’s abso-fuckin’-lutely awesome!” Manson exclaimed. “If you had told me just two months ago that I’d get to shove a shotgun into Bono’s mouth and tell him
Alleged Harris Hall Renovation Revealed to be Cover for Hoffa Search
EVANSTON—This week, an anonymous tip led to the discovery that the alleged restoration of Harris Hall, the home of the NU history department, is in reality a hunt for the corpse of Jimmy Hoffa, the long-missing President of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters. The unnamed tipster would only identify himself as a member of the Hoffa Disappearance Investigative Committee (HDIC). Despite his oath of confidentiality to the university, he was unable to keep the information from the public custom term