Op-Ed (Turducken Perspective): Turducken Erasure Narratives Are Dangerous to Three-Fowl-Blends Like Me, And Here’s Why
As a turducken from birth, though, I need the world to understand that we are here. We exist. We deserve to be heard.
Tag Archives: Thanksgiving
Op-Ed: The Turducken Is Not Real
We are not sheep, America. WAKE UP!!!
Vice President Harris Denies Thanksgiving Turkey’s Pardon While Biden Is In Surgery
“Do you think China pardons an animal before they consume thousands of members of their species? Of course not, so it’s time for us to stop being a bunch of wusses and slaughter them all.”
As Thanksgiving nears, uncles everywhere read a balanced variety of news, re-evaluate political beliefs, and challenge biases; nation heals
Older relatives across the United States are expanding their horizons.
Area Boyfriend Not Quite Emotionally Available Enough to Feel Thankful This Year
When asked what he liked about Thanksgiving, Winters commented, “I’m not feeling it this year. I mean, politics is crazy: climate change, gun violence, probably something else preventable is happening in Evanston.”
Uncle Bob Playing Drinking Game by Himself with No Rules at Thanksgiving Dinner
“Uncle Bob just drinks consistently throughout dinner, but occasionally he says ‘Cheers!’ and clinks his wine glass and his vodka tonic together before downing both,” says Brenda.
“This Turkey Is Making Me Sleepy,” Says Aunt Lydia Who Is Three Quarters Of A Wine Bottle Deep
Your Uncle Luis then stood up and took away the bottle of wine and is said to have reassured the room that this was Lydia’s first time drinking since giving birth to your baby cousin, Tommy.
First Thanksgiving Without Grandma Goes Off Surprisingly Well
“Mom made the cranberry pie almost as well as Grandma used to, so by next year it won’t even be noticeable.”
Morty Nervous to Bring U.S. News Ranking Home to Meet Family
“Do I sometimes get jealous of other rankings and their hot Ivy League partners? Sure. But Morty is my man, and I think Northwestern University is a great school to be with,” the ranking said.
Area Freshman Goes Home, Feels Smart Again
As she packed her bag to return to her rural Wisconsin home, sources report that she confided to a friend that she “feels insanely stupid” at Northwestern.