A&O Ball Mosh Pit 90% Swaying, 10% Frat Boys Itching To Punch A Woman
“If I get arrested one more time, my parents are gonna cut my allowance to only 5k a month.”
“They Cut Me Out, And Now It’s Time To Pay,” Cackles A Third Johnson In New Blackmail Video
“Because of my unbeatable toe fungus, I was the one voted out of the company.”
Ask Flippy: Is It Morally Wrong to Selectively Breed My Sims for Large Wenises?Â
I’ve written over three studies that show that larger wenises positively correlate with almost every metric of success for a Sims community–GDP, average BMI, homicide rate, etc.–and I know that each and every one of my Sims would be much happier with a few inches added on to their wenis.
Liberty Biberty, Limu Emu Indicted on Multiple Counts of Fraud, Sextortion
The case unfolded dramatically, with many individuals of both high and low status accusing the embattled Biberty of misconduct, including, most recently, the GEICO gecko, who has yet to officially press charges.
BREAKING: Ed Sheeran Undergoing Major Surgery After Getting a Fence Post Got Stuck Up His Rectum
Ed Sheeran’s management released a statement Tuesday that the singer will cancel the rest of his tour dates due to a major medical emergency. Inside sources have revealed to Flipside that a fence post slipped into his rectum.
“Anyone throwing tonight?” asks real student, not Evanston police officer
As is known nationwide, Northwestern is famous for its lively and off-the-rails party scene.
Live-Streamed Execution Inspires Twelve-Year-Old Twitch Streamer to Kill Cat
Inspired by Secretary of War Pete Hegseth and the Trump administration’s decision to live-stream the execution of Fort Hood shooter Nidal Malik Hasan, a twelve-year-old gaming Twitch streamer killed his cat this past Wednesday. The streamer, Timmy Longfellow from the suburbs of Omaha, Nebraska, runs a gaming channel called “TimmyLikes2Play,” where he often showcases his “epic Fortnite battle royales” for an average two-person audience. However, the recent news of a live-streamed execution made Timmy think about the way that he
Center for Enlightened Disagreement Defuses FlyDubai Hijacking
An altercation on a FlyDubai flight from Dubai to Tel Aviv threatened to bring the plane down if not for the intervention of a representative from Northwestern’s Litowitz Center for Enlightened Disagreement. The Center’s assistant director, Ned Kumbaya, says he was en-route to Tel Aviv to “sort out all that stuff” when he heard sounds of a fight coming from the cockpit. “I rushed to the front of the plane when I heard some disagreement that didn’t seem very enlightened,”
Deshaun Watson Links Recent Browns Success to Philanthropy Efforts
Following the Cleveland Browns 3-1 start to the 2026 NFL season, their best start since 2021 and the first time the team has been in sole control of first the lead in the AFC North since 2014, quarterback Deshaun Watson attributed the team’s success to their attempts to give back to the community. “I’m a big believer in karma,” Watson remarked following the team’s 27-24 victory over their AFC North rival in the Pittsburgh Steelers. “I truly believe that all
Covid-conscious Lesbian Bar Set to Open in Norris Soon; Does not Accept Meal Exchanges
Last Ditch will replace Luna’s Pub and Grill as another overpriced option serving students who are comfortable spending half their quarterly dining dollars for one meal. Last Ditch offers more than just food, though—it offers an experience. In addition to safe-sex vending machines, Last Ditch is part of Northwestern’s goal to help students have safe sexual experiences– or, as they repeatedly told the Freshmen, “good fucking sex.”Â
Grandma Asks for the Fiftieth time what Grok is and why it Keeps Showing Her Porn.Â
Johnson tried to help his grandma turn off the porn function of the chatbot, but as he walked through the steps with his aging family member, she kept receiving an error message, claiming that “Elon Musk forbids this action.”Â
NHL Draft Takes Father’s Precedence Over Son’s First Call Home in a Month
Now enter the local Wildcat’s dad. Who has the goddamn nerve to call the house on a Tuesday night? His son!