Greenpeace Execs Keep 10% of All Whales They Save
“Do they mean, like, 10% of the population of whales? Or like, do they mean they get to keep a flipper or something?”
Category Archives: Business
New Dating App Shows Exact Radius of People Who Don’t Find You Attractive
Rather than having to put in user details, the app uses the camera to do a facial scan and delivers a verdict of “Honey, No, Come on.”
Man Preps For Interview By Dousing Himself In 16 Different Colognes
Step 1? Education. Step 2? Cologne overdose. Step 3? Employment.
“We’re Out of Helium,” Squeaks CVS Employee
“It’s the darnedest thing!” squeaked manager Mark Shales.
Bobb to Release “Eau de Bobb” Luxury Fragrance
Local Bobb residents who were given a special look at the fragrance also speak to its exquisite indescribability
Elder Dining Hall to Add PlayPlace to Boost Traffic
“We’re looking to spread our brand throughout the entire campus and dominate dining services at Northwestern.”
Multi-Millionaire Attributes Financial Success to Leaving Fifteen Percent Tips
“Leave the chauffeur 20% and you’re not only depriving yourself of yacht money, but you’re also depriving him of the chance to earn himself the dignity of honest work.”
Northwestern Career Advancement: How To Get a Job
If the career fair hasn’t gotten you down yet, your dwindling student checking account definitely has. It’s time to get a job.
New Restaurant, “Just Yogurt,” Touts Its Use of All-Natural Bacteria
“Just Yogurt is a great example of how businesses can practice sustainable bacterial processes and satisfy their customers’ needs.”
Area Third Graders Eager to Contribute to Gross Output Indicator
Many referred to a recent survey by the Pew Institute where 82% indicated they picked their nose recently, 74% said they’d picked a scab, and 22% reported having eaten a bug or worm intentionally in the past 60 days.