Reports indicate that this party, which lasted through the night (2 AM), was more of a celebration of the theatre (âpronounced thee-ate-her, you classless hack!â), and definitely not a one-up contest of who was the better Tevye in their high schoolâs production of Fiddler on the Roof.
Before I knew it, I had run out of cool gay fits to showcase
âI guess I just didnât expect my residents to be that unable to get laid.â
Northwestern Administration figured there may as well be an enjoyable experience at the end of the long-ass wait.
In his last year as the President of the Northwestern University, Morton Schapiro has announced that he will exit with a literal bang. After a series of complicated negotiations that incidentally involves a Flipside negotiator losing his innocence to U.S. President Joe Biden, Morty has finally allowed our journalists to check out the process of his last ditch attempt to bump Northwestern up to #8 on the U.S. News & World Report’s Best Colleges rankings. âYou know, itâs not easy being the
As I stood in front of the Jacobs Center, waiting to cross the street with post-Abbot nasal drip, I certainly wasnât expecting my life to change.
âI lost a good amount of blood that night. I was ready to put it behind me. And now you nerds are painting it for acapella auditions.â
âOur team has worked very hard on todayâs lunch menu and we hope it will help to foster a brighter, more vibrant community,â he said, while reaching into his coat pocket for a hotdog.
âItâs like acapella auditions all over again, but bloodier.â
âCarrying a small, sad, modern equivalent of Gabrielâs horn gives me to motivation to walk until my toe cartilage is worn away.”