8 Neutral Things to Say Around Your Significant Other’s Conservative Parents That Will Still Get You Invited on the Yacht
“Poor people should get money…………………………… if they earn it.”
Category Archives: Nation
In the Name of Political Correctness, Joe Biden Refers to the “Humanitarian Crisis in Yemen” as the “Humanitarian Crisis in Yepeople”
“I call on every patriotic American to recognize that the plight of the people of Yepeople.”
Damn It! Kickass Sermon Rudely Interrupted by Rapture
The small mayonnaise boy ascended right out of the pastor’s skillful fingertips.
“Actually, War Crimes Require a Formal Declaration of War. What We do Are Just Run-of-the-Mill Human Rights Violations” Says Department of Defense
“Semantically speaking, war crimes requires a war, and we have not formally declared war since the 1940s.”
Goldilocks Publishes New Opinion Piece “Just Right: The Way Forward For American Politics”
“They would simply shove you whatever cold porridge they have, and you would be expected to not only eat it, but share it with a bunch of lazy freeloaders and pay taxes on it!”
FDA to Approve Vaccine in Fun, Kid-Friendly Flavors Such as “Tootie Fruity Immunity”
“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” admitted Anthony Fauci in a joint statement with FDA director Stephen Hahn. “We’re not proud to be using Juul’s playbook, but damn, if they didn’t have a move or two in there.”
High School Senior Hunted Down and Publicly Shamed By President Schapiro After Accidentally Submitting “Why Northeastern” Application Essay
“I think it’s going to hurt the most vulnerable among the Northwestern Community: alumni that name drop Northwestern during every conversation and claim that the Ivy League is ‘a social construct.’”
BREAKING: Chips Ahoy! Employees Test Negative for COVID-19, Positive for Scurvy
The highly complex testing process included having blood drawn, mopping the deck and sparring with a member of a feuding ship.
Potential Biden Cabinet: President-Elect Eyeing Skyällsborg, Jill Biden Believes Grönkulla Matches Kitchen Counters Better
“Biden confused reporters with his inability to clarify whether he was talking about a person or furniture.”
Pfizer Reports Vaccine Effective For 90% of People! Other 10% Contract Chlamydia.
Over the last 8 months, the world has anxiously awaited the development of a cure for COVID-19. However, Pfizer has announced a new vaccine that successfully protects 90% of all people who take it against COVID-19. While many see this as the end-all to coronavirus, others are skeptical over the efficacy of the vaccine. “Ever since I signed up to test the vaccine, my balls have been itching”, said Jay Mast, who asked to remain anonymous, “at first I thought