The Doily will still publish online every day, but print editions will only come out once every six years due to editorsâ commitments to crocheting cute little lace covers for every single copy.
“I suppose I canât say anythingâs wrong…no, I literally canât say anythingâs wrong.â
Americans rejoiced last week as new study conducted by Harvard University concluded that cocaine served as an excellent alternative to mundane bodily tasks such as eating, sleeping, blinking, breathing, and having a pulse. âAfter we blew through all of the university grant money on low quality blow, we figured we should probably write some of it downâ said Isaac Conklin, head researcher on the project. âOur intern Carl was more than happy to let us pump a near-lethal amount of
President Morton Shapiro, after consulting the University Board, released in a tweet that by 2020, Northwestern will be officially renamed âAvoiding UChicago.â
âHer body may be slowly eroding, but thatâs a-okay, because she definitely doesnât have Strep!â said Dr. Lou.
Gilberts is just like any other Northwestern student–a young man with a dream; a dream of maybe getting a right swipe from Becca in Econ 201.
From the moment mine eyes met thine, William, ye olde Wilde Cat, I was eternally enthralled. From then until the end of time, I was, am, and shall be thine.
I would do anything for you, Ricardo â except dance for 30 hours.
Consternation and significant pushback from angry students on campus calling for a reversal was⊠actually nowhere to be seen.
âI think I misunderstood when he told me it was âgonna be a bop,ââ said Mendoza, âthey were all really into it too. When I tried to leave, one guy put his hand on my chest and told me âdonât stop the bop.â”