Kelly Must Go Directly to Jail Again, Cannot Pass “Go”, Cannot Collect $200
“Uh, he picked a card from Community Chest. It happens pretty frequently. Are you a real journalist?”
Category Archives: Articles
A Cappella Group Quietly Removes “Smooth Criminal”/“Ignition” Mash-Up from Setlist
Yesterday The Rotary Tones posted on their Facebook that they would be performing a mash-up of Ro James’ “Permission” and Aretha Franklin’s “Respect.”
Local Perv Excited For Mosquitoes To Suck Him This Spring
One uncomfortably-mustachioed student, however, looks forward to something a little different: the onset of mosquitoes sucking fluids from his body.
Student Who Tried Water Infused With Every Fruit That Went Bad In Plex Releases Memoir
Within the past two weeks, Ramos’s memoir has overtaken the previous local bestseller entitled How To Major In Theatre And Not Be A Loser: The Meghan Markle Story.
Bobb Resident Develops Superpowers After Showering Without Shoes
Bobb resident Sean Heckerson has acquired the ability to transform into a radioactive stink bug by using sheer willpower.
Casual “How’s Life?” Cuts Way Too Deep
WCAS junior Keith Primis was found deeply traumatized Friday afternoon after a casual greeting from a former member of his PA group.
Norris Rockbot Breaks Free from Public Control, Finally Plays “Deepthroat”
After months of playing a combination of obscure indie songs and Big Time Rush’s greatest hits, the Rockbot began to question whether it should really allow itself to be guided by the community.
Bernie Recruited to Olympic Track Team after Proving Unending Passion for Running
“Bernie has been running across the country for years, and as far as we can tell, will run until he dies.”
Bradley Cooper’s Girlfriend to Release Sequel: “A Star is Sleeping on the Couch Tonight”
The film will reportedly feature an extremely remorseful Bradley Cooper attempting to win back his “very beautiful” girlfriend after running off with, in Shayk’s words, an “untalented, meat-dress wearing diva.”
Green Book Writers: “Can We Say It Now? Please?”
“I’m pretty sure this is open and shut. If you need me, I’ll be singing along to my homie Jay-Z.”