Northwestern Baseball Team Realizes They’ve Been Holding Their Bats The Wrong Way After Twelfth Straight Loss
“…thin goes for the win.”
Tag Archives: Sports
As punishment for botched season, football team must give up Charmin privileges
Jimmy John told reporters. “Now they have something else out of the toilet to work for—being decent enough at a sport to earn Charmin’s soft, gentle kiss.”
NU Women’s Basketball Promised Real Basketball To Practice With Next Year
Women’s soccer is now insisting upon real cleats in lieu of university-issued stilettos.
NU Sports Rewards App Has Students Walking Past Soccer Field at Record High
As the app gains popularity, officials hope students will be inspired by their personalized jerseys and may one day wear them as they sit through an entire game.
Local Man Sporting Shorts All Winter Disappointed No One Asked Him Why He Was Wearing Shorts
“I’m clearly peacocking but not one person has had the courtesy to point it out.”
NU Men’s and Women’s Sports Teams Paid Equally
Northwestern athletics has always been committed to treating all of our student-athletes equally, and I think our equal wage policy reflects that
NU Men’s Basketball Might Be Good, But You Wouldn’t Know, Would You
Coach Collins has been quoted saying we could make the NCAA Tournament this year, but it’s not like you pay attention to the best men’s basketball coach Northwestern has ever employed.
NFL Mascot Changes Make for Interesting Postseason
Sports analysts predict the New Orleans Naked People could potentially end up with the Vince Lombardi trophy this year.
Northwestern Athlete Makes Invaluable Contribution to Discussion Section
“He gave such an outstanding insight into our topic that I immediately felt guilty about all of the times I devalued his academic worth.”
NCAA Rejects Northwestern’s Request to Curve Football Scores
“I was hoping a curve would bring my pass completion rate up to at least like, an 80%,” said Trevor Siemian, Northwestern’s quarterback.