Campus Police Record All-Time High Violations of Girl Code During Rush Week
Campus police report that girl code infractions have spiraled beyond the brave forcesâ physical and emotional capabilities.
Category Archives: Local
Safe Bet Area Man Studied Abroad in Western Europe
With the dawn of yet another biting Chicago-area winter comes countless Northwestern undergraduates with stories of daring exploits from their fall quarters spent abroad. While these studentsâ tales may seem enticing at first glance for students who have yet to study outside of Evanston, itâs a pretty safe bet that any given dude you pass on Sheridan studied abroad in western Europe. A 2019 study conducted by ASG indicates that while a whopping 83% of Northwestern undergraduates interested in studying
Student Wonders When to Ask About Syllabus During Professorâs 30 Minute Tangent on Dead Ex-Wife
âSure, Professor Pierceâs brutal divorce and struggle with alcoholism is sad, but how else was I supposed to clarify the minor typo in the grading policy?â
Local Woman Becomes Cartoon Character After Wearing Same Outfit for a Week
Schwartzâs mother said that she is supportive of Schwartzâs transition onto the 2D plane so long as she promises to call more.
In First Sign Of Progress, Local Kindergartners And Tree Squirrels Agree To Temporary Thanksgiving Ceasefire
The conflict most likely started when Jeremy Jones – the third-stickiest member of his kindergarden class – accidentally wiped his boogers inside the tree where Snuggles usually stores his acorns.
Area Boyfriend Not Quite Emotionally Available Enough to Feel Thankful This Year
When asked what he liked about Thanksgiving, Winters commented, âIâm not feeling it this year. I mean, politics is crazy: climate change, gun violence, probably something else preventable is happening in Evanston.â
Local Woman Sets Bar for Romantic Partner On Ground; Local Man Starts Digging
âYâknow, I saw that she wanted me to treat her with a modicum of respect, and I was like, woah bitch, youâre kinda asking a lot. Crazy much?â
Uncle Bob Playing Drinking Game by Himself with No Rules at Thanksgiving Dinner
âUncle Bob just drinks consistently throughout dinner, but occasionally he says âCheers!â and clinks his wine glass and his vodka tonic together before downing both,â says Brenda.
Second Paper Cut of the Week Triggers Studentâs Long-Awaited Mental Breakdown
“Basically, if you bring up anything except the weather heâll start shaking uncontrollably.â
Northwestern Students Occupy Field to Protest Schoolâs Inaction Against Other Football Teams
âNorthwesternâs overreliance on outside zones cannot continue into the second decade of the 21st century.â