Op-Ed: How to Drive a Wedge Between Every Campus Couple So They Can All Be as Sad as You
I conducted a completely unbiased poll sent exclusively to other lonely singles, and—sure enough—we have a scourge of couples on campus.
I conducted a completely unbiased poll sent exclusively to other lonely singles, and—sure enough—we have a scourge of couples on campus.
After hunting the sounds of moccasins and fur-lined jean jackets for all of 3 minutes, I found myself standing in what can only be described as a Tame Impala tailgate.
Words cannot describe what I saw or felt in that moment. It was like someone had stabbed Hot Cheetos directly into my eyes—my brain—my soul.
“Uwu”
Everyone loves that feeling when they have honey all over their hands. I get to have that feeling all the time! Thanks, 5-Gum!
The godless abominations have tongues, so they clearly consume some sort of food.
I know that people assume I am a pretentious asshole who is completely full of myself. All of these assumptions are valid.
Taking advantage of the popularity of Among Us, Northwestern has decided to create a similar game to encourage students to complete tasks that they usually avoid, such as signing up for the NCA career fair.
I found the perfect rainbow tube top at Urban this summer. Ever since then, I’ve been looking for the right pair of funky shorts, to no avail.
What better way, then, to light aflame the hearts and minds of my classmates than by plastering my puckered ass skin all over their laptop screens?