Op-Ed: Iām Going to Live Forever. So Far, So Good.
After the insane number of Zoom lectures that I attended during Covid, I should have died of boredom long ago, but I havenāt.
Category Archives: Opinion
Op-ed: Regular Social Media Doesnāt Fuel My Superiority Complex Anymore, So You Can Now Only Find Me on Goodreads and Letterboxd
Itās important to me that when people stalk me on the internet they think āWow, I bet she really understands the importance of symbolism,ā and āDo you think she actually followed what was going on in āInception,ā because it kind of seems like it?ā
Op-Ed: I put on Beats headphones to walk across campus and now Iām trapped in a commercial where the sidewalks rotate in tempo with my music
The steps of Harris Hall sliced apart like dominoes and did the wave.
Op-ed: Studies Show Seasonal Depression Affects Nearly 99.99% of College Studentsā¦Not Me, I Have a SAD Lamp. Yāall Stay Safe Though
I have heard nothing but complaints from my friends about not being able to do their homework, or get out of bed, or take a shower, or look at themselves in the mirror for more than three seconds. But not me! Iām absolutely perfect.
Op-Ed: If There Are 300 Million Fraudulent Voters, Why Will None of Them Date Me?
“I donāt cry, but if I did, I would shed one manly tear into my MyPillow pillow.”
Op-Ed: Wait, My LinkedIn Job Post Was Self-Congratulatory?
Deep down, I know I earned this internship by trading massive amounts of my inheritance on Robinhood every day.
Op-Ed: Unless they can touch his prostate, do NOT market your presents as “Gifts For Him”
If you want to see a manās face light up, get him something that will leave his legs shaking and booty aching.Ā
Op-Ed: Why I decided to let my pre-med friend perform my appendectomy in the Slivka common room
She so brilliantly did a quick WebMD search for me.
Op-Ed: I canāt rewatch Pitch Perfect anymore without envisioning the Barden Bellas being that one a cappella group echoing into the night from Kresge
The scene where the new a cappella recruits dance in the amphitheater is replaced by visions of upperclassmen belting off-key by the Willard piano. The Riff-Off just makes me think of prime time at Norbucks.
From The Archives: An Op-ed: Why Do Our Croquet Players Get Donkeys To Ride Around Campus? They Are Dreadful!
They are a plague on this campus – the likes of which have never been and will never be seen again.