In an Effort to Reduce Plastic, Fraternity Opts for BODY SHOTS!!!
“Brett Green first came up with the idea for the resolution while slurping up some Fireball from the navel of girl known only to him as âthe Other Sarah.âÂ
Category Archives: Articles
Freshman gets List-served by Accidental Mass Response to Listserv E-mail
The email, which included no capitalization, read as follows: âwhere is kresge? also, do i need where business casual?â
Morty Opens up âUS News and World Report College Rankingsâ in Incognito Tab
Morty has seemingly become obsessed in the days since with ensuring NU continues to move up the rankings and has covered the walls of his room with charts, graphs, and⊠other things, trying to, umm, âanalyzeâ what allowed us to move up.
Sanders Overpowers Anesthesia During Emergency Surgery to Advocate for Universal Health Care
âIâve never seen anything like it,â said surgeon Liam Docter. âWe gave him enough anesthesia to paralyze a horse, but he just kept telling us that health care was a human right and that the current market did nothing but feed the pockets of fat executives.â
Mayfest Secures Duolingo Bird as âEthnic Openerâ for Dillo
âFrom day one, we wanted to create a Dillo Day for everyone,â said Bailee
Golden, Mayfestâs Diversity and Inclusion chair. âHaving the multi-lingual Duolingo owl as our âethnic opener,â if you will, is going to ensure that this Dillo isnât just for privileged English-speakers.â
Write-in Vote for Bruce Curlee, The Chicago Metropolitan Area’s Fourth Best Mick Jagger Impersonator, Goes Unheard By Mayfest
âI just canât get no satisfaction,â says the impersonator who vaguely resembles Mick Jagger.
Mayfest Announces First Person to Arrive to Dillo Day Dressed as Squidwardâs House Will Win a Prize
âNothing better represents the Dillo Day spirit than the Easter Island head that Squidward lives in.”
Student Wonders if itâs Too Late to Start Going to Class
Hall wondered if he should attend at least one lecture in each class so he can find the rooms where his finals will be held.
Report: Your Mayfest Friend Quiet All of a Sudden
In situations where she might find herself saying, âyouâll never guess whoâs going to be on the Main Stage this year!â or âGuys, I have literally wanted a Ferris wheel on the Lakefill since I was born,â she now just stands there without making a peep.
Mayfest: “We’ll Just Throw Drunk People in the Lake, OK??”
âAfter the event, we can just take a big net and scoop everybody into it. Just grab each personâs Wildcard information and send them home.”