A Look Back: 15 Years Later, Poop Still Funny
“Fifteen years later, Dr. Parks has officially earned his doctorate in scatology, or in laymanâs terms, the study of poop.”
Category Archives: Articles
8th Generation Northwestern Legacy Student Just Spits on Application to Get In
With early decision deadlines looming, Jacob Weinberg Schapiro Ryan Fieldhouse McWilliecat VII, an 8th generation legacy, simply spat on his Northwestern University application, causing him to be accepted immediately. Admissions officers were amazed, calling McWilliecatâs application âoriginalâ, âhighly personalâ, and âphlegmyâ. âYou really canât get more unique than Jacobâs application,â said Leah Gascoigne, head of admissions. âHere we were, holding a physical part of Jacob. We really got a good idea of who he was, and immediately admitted him; even
From the Archives–Op-Ed: Charlie Chaplin should Stick to Silent Movies, Keep his Political Views out of Talkies
This film is his first âtalkieâ and boy does he talkie a lot.
Scandal Breaks as The Rock Is Discovered To Be A Legacy Student
âThat chunk of sandstone had some powerful friends. Thereâs no harm in me meeting with an applicant personally, sharing intimate secrets, exchanging phone numbers, and making secret handshakes. It gives the student no advantages whatsoever.â
Op-Ed: I’m Finally A ComEd Customer and Now They’re Gone
In all honesty, I donât know what ComEd is. I think itâs something to do with carpentry.
Wisconsin Dairy Farmers Angered by Trump Administration Support of Turkey, Abandonment of Curds as Favored Protein Source
Already, many curd groups are striking deals with the Russian and Syrian governments to remain competitive, receiving aid in the form of milk pasteurizers and arms shipments.
Plex Out of Dinnerware Again, Encourages Students to Eat on Floor With Their Hands
Blood mixed with yogurt as students clawed and growled at each other over the food Plex employees were dumping directly onto the tile.
“If you can read, you can do research” Posters Around Campus Discriminate Against Illiterates
You know, I can sound out words âcause of English 105, but for some NU students, this poster is like a punch in the balls. Itâs not a PC at all, bra.
Pessimistic Student Will Just Occasionally Yell âSafety Schoolâ At Visiting Ohio State
With the mighty Ohio State Buckeyes set to visit Northwestern on Friday evening, many students found themselves pessimistic, and in some cases completely resigned to defeat. But for one Medill sophomore, pessimism wasnât a barrier to doing what she loves: putting down her opponentâs intellect. âI know our odds donât look too great,â slurred Northwestern University sophomore Joanna Booth, in line outside of the student entrance at Ryan Field. âBut thereâs always a solution that makes us look really, really
Students Rejoice! Morty Announces Lakefill 2, Which Finally Connects Us Directly to Gary, Indiana
At long last, once the new Lakefill is constructed, students will be able to easily access Gary, Indiana for a long-overdue new college town experience.