Freshman Praying Willie the Wildcat Doesn’t Awaken Anything In Them
āI hate the Kansas State fans. They think their Willie is so great, but he doesnāt even have fur.ā He then added, ābut Iām not a furry.ā
Category Archives: Headline
Morty Opens up āUS News and World Report College Rankingsā in Incognito Tab
Morty has seemingly become obsessed in the days since with ensuring NU continues to move up the rankings and has covered the walls of his room with charts, graphs, andā¦ other things, trying to, umm, āanalyzeā what allowed us to move up.
NBA Referee Assigns Technical Foul To Pregnant Woman For āHiding Basketballā
The NBA Playoffs erupted into chaos Tuesday after a referee dished out a technical foul to Claire Rogers, a pregnant woman in the stands, for āhiding the basketball.ā The incident, which has already been deemed the greatest misunderstanding sincethe Salem Witch Trials, began in the third quarterafter an erroneous pass found its way into the stands. Sources report that as the ref turned his head, he noticed a round woman whispering to her stomach over and over. He immediately blew
Urkel Found Looking Ashamed at Notre Dame Ruins: āDid I Do That?ā
Urkel has been locked 24/7 in a small, heavily guarded cell in a classified location, but his lawyers have reported that heās enthusiastic that heāll get off because āthereās always the next episodeā.
International Student From Scotland Pulls Plex Fire Alarm: āIt Reminds Me Of The Music Back Homeā
āA dināt mean tae cause no āarm. A was jesā āavinā a bad dae!”
World Cup Postponed After Ball Rolls Into Old Man Jenkins’ Yard
āNo way Iām going over there,ā Silva told reporters. āOld Man Jenkins is scary. He kills boys that sneak into his yard and cooks them into a stew.ā
Big Alās Guns and Lemonade Raises Minimum Gun Buying Age to 14
In light of recent events and the current political climate, Southern landmark, Big Alās Guns and Lemonade, has announced a controversial decision to ban the sale of all firearms to all people younger than 14. Viewed by some critics as bending to political pressure, Big Al himself announced that lemonade sales will still be unrestricted despite the new firearms policy. āI find this here new regulation to be classic liberal bullshit propaganda,ā stated Chuck Horowitz, a 14-year-old high school freshman.
Stats Major Argues Gambling Problem Not Statistically Significant
āHe just kept saying āthe p-value is above 5%, we just donāt have enough evidence to reject the null.āā
Commencement Speaker Replaced with Old Man Telling Each Graduate the Date of Their Death
The man will forego the typical commencement address to the graduating class in favor of walking silently amongst the rows of sitting students, placing a pale, scarred hand on the forehead of those he selects.
Payphone in Norris About to Activate Sleeper Agent
Every single person in Norris today is blissfully ignorant of what they, and all humanity, will soon experience.