Every year, East Coast residents capitalize on their supposed proximity to New York City, that concrete jungle where dreams come to life, to invoke awe in their geography-challenged classmates from the Midwest.
Bentley’s “inclusive” friends will not be so accepting when they see more than just his Pink Floyd t-shirt and mandala tapestry.
“Once the lights start blinking, it’s a warning to predators and pathogens alike: don’t mess with the Thermoflash.”
The email, which included no capitalization, read as follows: “where is kresge? also, do i need where business casual?”
“I’m gonna be burnin’ rubber like the Indy 500. This should last me through the end of the quarter.”
After making his rounds through the various Sunday dinners hosted by Northwestern fraternities, Star Trek fanatic Kirk Spockard has allegedly found his future brotherhood with “Sci-Fi”.
“I really wasn’t interested in Greek life because it’s inherently problematic and built on a history of racism and misogyny. But also like everyone signed up and I totally didn’t want to feel like a loser.”
She keeps writing little notes with my name and sticking them on my door.”
He has already texted his parents about his date, and he hopes to get coffee on the Lakefill with her before it freezes over.
“He’s trying to pretend he’s Romeo when he comes off as a coked-up Charlie Sheen every time he talks to a girl.”