I don’t think a conversation passes the Bechdel test if a man says, ‘but actually,’ every time the professor or I try to get a word in.
“When I came here, I had a purity score of 100,” attested Annie Eisenbower, McCormick ‘23, “but when I changed into my jammies, after a spirited debate about the role of metaphysics in the world of meta-metaphysics with some colleagues, it went up to 102.”
“Not one woman has pointed at the shirt and laughed, and that usually happens no matter what I am wearing!”
Jones stated that his new downtown Toledo office, conveniently located 15 minutes from his childhood home, will provide “an unparalleled experience in the ever-expanding field of deep fry technology”.
“I had to draw the line when he wanted to bail out of Math 220,” Kraps continued. “At that point, he was basically in SESP!”
“The class begins with the abstract: what a relationship is and why someone would want one. Later on we get into the nitty gritty details, like how to hold hands and the science of maintaining eye contact.”
“Mr. Emerson’s heroic actions epitomize Whole-Brain Engineering.”
“Who are we fooling with this ‘one cohesive campus’ bullshit?”, added an anonymous tour guide.
Conforto has not been free from out-of-the-classroom controversy, however. Some of his former high school mathletes allege he once tried a sip of beer at a party.
With family weekend imminent, former engineer and freshman Cole Thompson finally came out to his parents as an SESP transfer. “I just had to—I couldn’t keep living a lie,” Cole said.