Off-Campus Student Wonders if 10pm SafeRide Will Get Her to 8 am Class on Time
“Usually if I request my SafeRide at 10pm then it will get to my apartment by 7:55am and I can get to class only ten minutes late.”
Category Archives: Articles
Sexually Frustrated Freshman Finally Finds Hookup, Out Of Socks To Put On Door
“I go through socks pretty fast because, uh, I change my socks a lot. It’s okay, though. November is coming up soon and I’ll try again then, because of No Nut – shit, I mean, because the weather is cooler and my feet will sweat less. So, like, I won’t need to change socks all the time,” he clarified.
TRUMP IMPEACHED: That Got Your Attention, Huh Paula? Now Will You Please Let Me Talk to the Kids?
In a move preceded only twice in the history of this hallowed nation, House speaker Nancy Pelosi has begun the lengthy journey that could end in — I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore, Paula please let me talk to the kids. I’ve made mistakes. I know that. I’m not blind to my faults, babe. But I shouldn’t have to get into college at 41, feign interest at the most tedious info meetings I’ve ever been to and go through the
Freshman Praying Willie the Wildcat Doesn’t Awaken Anything In Them
“I hate the Kansas State fans. They think their Willie is so great, but he doesn’t even have fur.” He then added, “but I’m not a furry.”
Op-Ed: I thought Getting Laid would Solve all my Problems, and it did.
I was lazy, listless, and broken inside, but ever since our night (or really evening) of passion, my life has totally turned around. I got into not one, but two improv groups on campus.
Conversions to Judaism spike as Allison Kosher section rises in popularity
Foods deemed Kosher are prepared in accordance with Jewish law. Notable Kosher foods include locusts and human hair.
Op-Ed: No, Josh, I don’t have less friends because I’m a grammar geek…I have fewer friends
Josh, being a grammar geek doesn’t mean I have less friends. It means I have fewer friends.
Freshmen From the South Feel That They’re Handling the Current Cold Temperatures Well
“I don’t even own a pair of pants, unless my silk romper counts. But, once I get cold, I can’t even feel my legs or arms anymore so it’s not too big of a deal.”
Margot Lee Shetterly Cancels Campus Visit After Admitting She Didn’t Read Hidden Figures
“I didn’t know if I was really supposed to read it or not.” Shetterly said. “But then I started getting more and more emails about it towards the end of the summer and I kinda freaked out, so I decided to just not read it. Also, since when are books like 200 pages?”
Op-Ed: What I Learned by Eating at Arby’s Every Day of Summer Until They Offered Me a Job
Before you go off and apply to internships and jobs for next summer, take a look at what I’ve learned these past few months.