Detective Pikachu Conveniently Loses Bodycam Footage to “Static”
“All we know is we have a sombrero-wearing pineapple-duck who looks like he stuck a fork in a light socket. Maybe we’ll never know the full story.”
Category Archives: World
Urkel Found Looking Ashamed at Notre Dame Ruins: “Did I Do That?”
Urkel has been locked 24/7 in a small, heavily guarded cell in a classified location, but his lawyers have reported that he’s enthusiastic that he’ll get off because “there’s always the next episode”.
International Student From Scotland Pulls Plex Fire Alarm: “It Reminds Me Of The Music Back Home”
“A din’t mean tae cause no ‘arm. A was jes’ ‘avin’ a bad dae!”
Post Malone Ascends Beyond This Plane of Existence After Showering For The First Time
“I never thought this would happen, dude,” lamented Burt McDover, who looked after Post Malone’s head lice. “Posty said he just wanted to try taking a quick shower because all his buddies did it every day. It’s the newest trend, you know?”
Something Happens in United Kingdom; No One Understands It
The liberal party had reason to be chuffed with the big argy-bargy over the EU turning into a big bowl of codswallop with May’s failure to pass a Brexit divvy plan 432-202.
Meghan Markle to Attend Dillo to Shirk Royal Family Responsibilities
“The last time I was this stressed was when I got a terrible registration time for winter quarter of freshman year and found out the only open classes I could take were Orgo, EA, and EECS 211.”
Flipside Investigative Report: Where Do All the Uneaten Dining Hall Chickpeas Go?
Where do all the uneaten chickpeas go? A Qatar-based cryptocurrency is only the beginning of the story…
Student Back From Study Abroad Unaware Fall Quarter Was One Quarter He Could Have Smashed Crush
“I really enjoyed my quarter abroad in London. I grew as a person and learned a lot too,” Schuster said, not knowing that on October 20, 2017, he could have made hot love to Stanton in a fleeting moment of mutual passion that can never occur again.
Trump Proposes “Smushing” The Koreas Together To End Border Conflict
“Trump kept pushing his hands together, attempting to push two imaginary landmasses across an ethereal demilitarized zone; his face reportedly became increasingly purple as well.”
Holy Food War Breaks Out Between Halal and Kosher Food Stations
“It was a nightmare. Scalding matzah ball soup blinded four and stab wounds from Iraqi kebabs took the lives of two Buddhist passersby. Also, the vegan table is now totally covered in Kosher brisket shrapnel. What am I supposed to eat now?”