Local Woman Becomes Cartoon Character After Wearing Same Outfit for a Week
Schwartzâs mother said that she is supportive of Schwartzâs transition onto the 2D plane so long as she promises to call more.
In First Sign Of Progress, Local Kindergartners And Tree Squirrels Agree To Temporary Thanksgiving Ceasefire
The conflict most likely started when Jeremy Jones – the third-stickiest member of his kindergarden class – accidentally wiped his boogers inside the tree where Snuggles usually stores his acorns.
Area Boyfriend Not Quite Emotionally Available Enough to Feel Thankful This Year
When asked what he liked about Thanksgiving, Winters commented, âIâm not feeling it this year. I mean, politics is crazy: climate change, gun violence, probably something else preventable is happening in Evanston.â
Local Woman Sets Bar for Romantic Partner On Ground; Local Man Starts Digging
âYâknow, I saw that she wanted me to treat her with a modicum of respect, and I was like, woah bitch, youâre kinda asking a lot. Crazy much?â
Uncle Bob Playing Drinking Game by Himself with No Rules at Thanksgiving Dinner
âUncle Bob just drinks consistently throughout dinner, but occasionally he says âCheers!â and clinks his wine glass and his vodka tonic together before downing both,â says Brenda.
“This Turkey Is Making Me Sleepy,” Says Aunt Lydia Who Is Three Quarters Of A Wine Bottle Deep
Your Uncle Luis then stood up and took away the bottle of wine and is said to have reassured the room that this was Lydiaâs first time drinking since giving birth to your baby cousin, Tommy.
Second Paper Cut of the Week Triggers Studentâs Long-Awaited Mental Breakdown
“Basically, if you bring up anything except the weather heâll start shaking uncontrollably.â
Northwestern Students Occupy Field to Protest Schoolâs Inaction Against Other Football Teams
âNorthwesternâs overreliance on outside zones cannot continue into the second decade of the 21st century.â
Op-Ed: Disney Plus? More Like Lib-ney Plus: How The New Streaming Service Pushes The Liberal Agenda
Yes, let me assure you, I will certainly not be getting Disney Plus â or, as I think it should be called, Lib-ney Plus!
Criminal Arrested for Laundering Money Through Take a Penny, Leave a Penny Service
NUPD released a statement on Tuesday night that theyâd caught a Mr. Johnny âThe Mouse*â Bilderson, Evanstonâs most prolific criminal. Mr. Bilderson has 0 robbery charges, 1 money laundering charge, and 17 loitering charges on his rap sheet, making him the most dangerous criminal in Evanston history. Johnny was caught when it was revealed heâd been laundering money for the various Evanston crime families (colloquially known as âfraternitiesâ) through a âTake a Penny, Leave a Pennyâ service in a deli