President Morton Shapiro, after consulting the University Board, released in a tweet that by 2020, Northwestern will be officially renamed “Avoiding UChicago.”
“First margarine and now this? I didn’t serve two years in the military, get dishonorably discharged, and move back in with my parents just for someone to confuse me with a quadruple negative!”
Blood mixed with yogurt as students clawed and growled at each other over the food Plex employees were dumping directly onto the tile.
They’re orange, powdery and drenched in milk. Seemingly unassuming, they manage to divide the masses like none other. It’s rare that such a small thing can cause such polarization, but they do so with aplomb….
Beginning this quarter, the Frontera Fresco Mexican grill located in the Norris Center will now be open just fifteen minutes a week, from 4:30 A.M. to 4:45 A.M.
“We’re looking to spread our brand throughout the entire campus and dominate dining services at Northwestern.”
Reportedly, a confused Sterling decided to start wandering through Elder Dining Hall under the mistaken assumption that there was food in Elder Dining Hall.
You use defense mechanisms like rationalization and the intellectualization that NU students are famous for to convince yourself that it doesn’t matter.
“Frankly, we at Nature Valley find this behavior a violation of our product, and Torrey’s eating habits in no way reflect the kind of consumer we wish to attract,” said John Baringer, president of public relations at Nature Valley. “Seriously, what a goddamn ape.”
“Pass the Gardettos,” you say? Is that what you want? Tell me, what IS a Gardetto? Is it the rye chips? Is it the teeny tiny crunchy bread sticks? Is it the unsalted yet delicious…