Tag Archives: Morty

Morty Tries To Cut SESP Budget, Surprised To Find It Doesn’t Exist

The School of Education and Social Policy, or SESP, is the latest Northwestern institution to fall victim to the recent wave of attempted budget cuts. However, President Morty Schapiro was shocked to find out that SESP does not have a budget in the first place. In an official statement, Morty expressed his disappointment in light of this startling turn of events. “Not gonna lie, I’m pretty bummed. I was hoping to cop at least a few thousand,” he admitted. “I

Morty Still Waiting for Class of 2021 to Venmo Him for Hamilton Tickets

After waiting a year for the Class of 2021 to get back to him, Morty Schapiro publicly announced this week that he is still waiting on each and every one of them to Venmo him for the Hamilton tickets from last year. “Listen, I thought I was very clear in how this deal works,” stated a very disgruntled Morty, “I get the tickets, and you guys just Venmo me back the full $200 for your own. Our school is in

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