Tag Archives: Morty

Students Rejoice! Morty Announces Lakefill 2, Which Finally Connects Us Directly to Gary, Indiana

Thousands of students convened on the Lakefill Friday night for President Morton Schapiro’s much-anticipated mystery announcement. Said Schapiro: “After considering our budget allocations, we realized that we weren’t putting enough towards our students’ mental health. That’s why we’re encouraging students to clear their heads with walk along the beautiful Lake Michigan; which will now be a nature-filled forty-three mile stretch. Go ‘Cats!” Clamorous applause and cheering erupted instantly the moment Schapiro yanked the curtain off his scale model of “Lakefill

Morty Tries To Cut SESP Budget, Surprised To Find It Doesn’t Exist

The School of Education and Social Policy, or SESP, is the latest Northwestern institution to fall victim to the recent wave of attempted budget cuts. However, President Morty Schapiro was shocked to find out that SESP does not have a budget in the first place. In an official statement, Morty expressed his disappointment in light of this startling turn of events. “Not gonna lie, I’m pretty bummed. I was hoping to cop at least a few thousand,” he admitted. “I

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