“I go through socks pretty fast because, uh, I change my socks a lot. It’s okay, though. November is coming up soon and I’ll try again then, because of No Nut – shit, I mean, because the weather is cooler and my feet will sweat less. So, like, I won’t need to change socks all the time,” he clarified.
I was lazy, listless, and broken inside, but ever since our night (or really evening) of passion, my life has totally turned around. I got into not one, but two improv groups on campus.
When asked what he meant by this, Mr. Barr wasted no time responding, saying “mmmmmm those dirty, dirty Democrats want that juicy Mueller report.
“I’ve probably got more STIs than I can count, so it’s gonna be really cool to finally find out what some of them are called.”
The global scientific community is on indefinite hiatus after the miraculous discovery that Northwestern University is located on an unprecedented tear in the space-time continuum where sexual intercourse is a non-extant phenomenon. Said top quantum physicist Harold Campbell of the (admittedly not-so-shocking) discovery, “We’re quite surprised that such a tear in the fabric of reality is scientifically feasible. No one, however, is surprised that the one known location in the universe to subvert years of astronomical understanding of time, space,
Twenty students have already come to the floor RA with complaints that they witnessed Daniel once again pulling the socks off the handles and tucking them gently under his belt to later be thrown into a pile in his room.
“Fucking has always been the foundation of our relationship, and no amount of love we have can ever change that.”
Students have been advised to ask the Rock out for a cup of coffee or a nice dinner before taking things to the next level.
“You know, it’s guys like him that remind you that chivalry isn’t dead. It’s just creepy and horny.”
“I’ll try to cut down the foreplay to the first two seconds so we can get right into the action.”